Family

Today my mother is 70 years old and I've thought a lot about her lately and the type of mother she was and how her role in my life has changed over the years. This reflection has shown me a sad reality in the world and in my own capabilities as wife and mother.

My parents have been together for over 50 years. I have managed to marry twice and fail at both. Over the years my mother has taken care of us all, her role changed as we grew older but she changed with it.

Change is something my generation knows something about. We change all the time; we don't like something, we look for a way out and start something new. Sad mistake because the things I couldn't make into something I wanted, I'd move to something else. My mother stuck to everything she tired until she got it right. Painting, baking, quilting, photography...no matter what she tried she became good at it, and only then would she move to something else.

I'm a terrible cook, and I'm just barely able to keep the house put together. Of course my life has never been that of full time mother and wife. No, my life was of trying to become like my mother all while working a full time job. I don't care what we say, but we can't do it all unless we have help. I could never get the help I needed so I got rid of the husband and father that would not step up in the manner I believed he should, and tried doing it on my own.

Raising a family alone and working full time worked...we survived. My daughter is very successful and happy. She is self-reliant and knows how to take care of herself and those she loves. My son is still maturing into the role of manhood, and it's been harder for him because he didn't have the ever present father figure. This was my fault and I'm sorry that my sons life has been harder because of me. He's a giving and very good person I have no doubts of him becoming the man he needs to be, but his journey could have been easier if I had provided better for him. I have regrets to be sure.

As for me, I'm nearing 50 and look back wondering how things would be different if I'd fought harder to keep what I had and really modeled my life more around the childhood my parents provided me, and been half the woman my mother is.

It was the beginning of new times I guess. Marrying young, divorcing young working full time, raising your kids as a single mother...life was struggling just to keep the family afloat. If you're diligent, it works, but in the end everyone suffers in some way because kids need both parents. A mother needs the father, the father needs the mother, and they all need each another. After all, that is what family is...

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